I celebrated my birthday last week. The day ended up being gorgeous outside. In the afternoon I took a walk around our neighborhood. I was listening to some music and keeping a slow pace. I’m not an outdoorsy person, but something called me to be in the sunshine and experience the creation all around me.
It had been a tough week emotionally. Seeds of self-doubt had been planted. I had been fighting the old familiar voices that tempted me to believe I was not enough. I was not worthy. I was not good.
It had affected my days because I had focused more on myself than others. It had affected my nights because I lay awake instead of sleeping. I had been so disappointed to be fighting old demons. I wanted to be rid of them. I knew better. Why was I struggling to stay in a place of peace?
As I left my house, I noticed the activity all around me. The trees on my street were budding. Birds were building nests. Flowers were blooming. It felt very much like spring. But just a few days earlier had felt like winter. We had experienced snow showers and frost on the morning ground. Our heavy coats were still hanging on hooks near the front door. It wasn’t time to put them away just yet.
I found a spiritual connection in my train of thought. Letting go of a past behavior is a lot like a change of season. Some days feel more like the season ahead while other days bring feelings of the season that is leaving. The previous few days had felt more like cold winter than warm spring to me. Even though, I needed to trust that my heart was changing. I needed to be patient because transformation takes time.
It was my birthday. So I decided to give myself a gift. Be kind to yourself, Angie. This is a process. This is the hardest look at your own heart that you have ever taken. It is natural to have setbacks. It does not mean you are a failure. It just means you’ve had a bad day or two. Be kind to yourself, Angie. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and your steps will lead you back home.
Maybe you’re not like me. But if you are – even a little bit – then I encourage you to give yourself a gift today. Be kind to yourself. You are so special. Maybe you don’t feel it today. But believe it anyway. Remind yourself that you are precious to your Creator. Walk with confidence. Trust that a better day is coming. I will be doing the same. Peace!