Eleven years ago this week found our family at the beginning of a challenging season. During a routine prenatal visit, I learned that the child I had been carrying was gone. A heavy grief took up residence in my heart.
Shortly after, our little family of three went on a vacation that had been planned prior to the miscarriage. It started off well enough, but the second day Matt fell ill. The remaining days he pushed through dealing with significant pain in his face and teeth. It was hard. I needed him to be strong for me and he simply couldn’t be.
When we arrived home, Matt visited with multiple doctors and dentists, had a trip to the emergency room, was given an anti-seizure medication, and then had a reaction to that medication. It seemed like every step we tried to take left us in worse shape. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by the difficult circumstances.
During those weeks, I felt far away from the security of God’s love and protection. My heart was broken over the baby that we lost. I was worried about what was wrong with my husband’s health. I was trying to hold it together for our young son. I was doing my best to be strong for the congregation at the church I served. But I was deeply disappointed in my circumstances. Had God forgotten all about me?
During some study time recently, I came across a scripture in Exodus that says that God remembered His covenant with Abraham. There are other places where the bible says similar things like, God remembered Rachel and gave her a child. God remembered Noah and all those on the ark. What does that mean? If He remembered them, does that mean He forgot them?
Friends, God’s remembering is different than ours. The Hebrew word for remember is zakar. It means to keep in remembrance or to make remembrance. It isn’t the opposite of forget. God’s remembering is the action that furthers something or brings it to completion.
I have a few words taped to my computer screen. I can see them out of the corner of my eye right now as I type. They read, God has always, only, ever been faithful to me. I don’t carelessly use words like always and never. I don’t think they apply very often. However, I do believe that God’s presence in my life is that dependable. Always with me. Never leaves me. Yes, I trust that.
Even in our darkest times, we can choose to walk confidently in the belief that God does remember us and that He will continue to remember us. There are times when it feels like He is nowhere around. But I know better. He is right beside me the whole time. Peace.