This past winter, I taught a study on the Old Testament book of Exodus. Whenever I study a book, story, or person in the bible, there’s always a main theme that emerges and becomes something God is opening my heart to as He invites me to change and follow Him more closely.
In Exodus, there was an unexpected powerful nugget of truth that pierced my heart and it keeps resurfacing as I read and study other things. The question that became clear to me as I studied Moses’ life is something that I believe God asks all of His followers and that question is, Am I enough?
You may recall that when God first appears to Moses in the form of a burning bush, Moses has many questions and objections about God’s plan. Moses asks things like, who are You? Who am I? What if they don’t listen to me? What if they don’t believe me? Moses objects with things like, I am not good with words. I stutter and stammer. Other messengers called by God had their own objections. Gideon told God he was too weak. Jeremiah told God he was too young.
I have objections that stem from my insecurities, too. Plus, I am also risk-averse and it seems like most of the time God calls me into things that would take me way into the “could turn out bad for you” waters. So I tend to stick with situations I know I can handle. I tend to say yes to serving Him in ways I feel equipped. I go into a situation wheeling behind me my suitcase of resources (as I have affectionately begun to call it). These are the things I can pull out and use, the things I am good at, just in case God doesn’t really show up or it turns out He isn’t enough for me after all.
God has really been challenging me in this area over the past few months. I am growing, but I still find myself telling Him, now wait just a minute. I don’t know if I have a resource in my suitcase for that. To which God patiently replies, Ah yes, I know. Then He asks the pivotal question, Am I enough, Angie?
As I have voiced my request to learn how to depend on Him more completely, I have and will continue to wrestle, worry, and cry. It’s what I do. I know I’m not supposed to, but old habits are terribly hard to break. For so long, I have thought I could take care of things on my own which also meant I have constantly been afraid that maybe I would need something I hadn’t packed in my suitcase. Because of that tendency, I have no doubt – no doubt – that when you see me around you will sometimes notice that I’m once again rolling that suitcase behind me. But I am really praying that I will quickly recognize when I am reaching for it and begin to more and more often leave the stinkin’ thing at home in my closet where it belongs and put my trust in God alone.
Joshua 1:9 (CEB) says, I’ve commanded you to be brave and strong, haven’t I? Don’t be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. The Lord your God. The Lord my God. Wherever we go. Peace!